Reflection is regarded as a key strength for any coach and coaching process and one that is often undervalued. People generally default to reflecting on their negative actions and how this has impacted on themselves and the participants in their charge. This is true of many parents I know, me included, and particularly in this present climate.
Never before have parents been under so much external pressure to ensure that during this lockdown their little bundles of joy will emerge having mastered several languages, gained a new spiritual hobby and discovered a new-found respect for life and the world they live in.
I have four children ranging from the ages of 11 through to 17. When I reflect, as I have always done daily, I am trying to change my default from thinking about how bad I was at being a mother today to focus instead on the things that my children have that I would not have experienced if this situation had presented itself to us in the 1970s.
Connection
My children are lucky enough to still be connected to their friends through phones and gaming consoles. It can never replace face-to-face interactions and the release of break-time at school to let off steam, but it is a start. If I had needed to connect with friends at their age, I would first have had to find the key my parents hid for the strange device that locked the rotating dial on the telephone that was stuck to the wall at the bottom of the stairs!
Small, achievable goals
Secondly, this period has taught them self-regulation on activity levels. As they are four very active boys, I was very concerned about how they would “let off steam” during this time. However, they seem to be coping with this very well! It has helped that through my experience of being a coach I can set them small, achievable goals throughout the day.
In my opinion, parents display some of the best coaching characteristics without them knowing that they are doing so. It is never easy to try and get a teenager to do anything that they do not see the immediate value in – this could be school work, tidying up, less screen time etc. – but parents manage this daily through:
- motivation
- instruction
- goal-setting reward and recognition.
Parents should be proud of themselves and what they're achieving, and shouldn't focus on the negatives.
Routine
I pat myself on the back these days if we can stick to traditional meal times. These times are not normal, and we should not beat ourselves up if some standards slip. Just go with a new, simpler routine that fits with the family at this time. Children are used to having the freedom of a six-week holiday every year and then settling back into a rigorous routine at school, and this should be no different to what we are experiencing now.
Celebrate what you can
Finally, celebrate the time you have. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not all happy and stress-free, to the contrary on most days, but we will never get this time back again. It will be a period in our lives that we will look back on and congratulate ourselves for getting through positively.
Therefore, I think my main message to parents is to say well done, you are doing a great job, getting your children to be active will always be a positive thing that they can take throughout their lives. Keep going and continue to encourage your children to be active. You’ve got this, you are a coach, celebrate your overlooked skillset and keep coaching.