Sports coaches are universally recognised as catalysts for positive change in young people’s lives. However, coaches can sometimes overlook the challenges of growing up. Given the struggles of adolescence, the language coaches use during their interactions with young people becomes particularly important. Therefore, coaches must remember that their role as catalysts for change is directly influenced by the words they use.

For children and young people growing up in disadvantaged communities in particular, opportunities to lead an active lifestyle can be severely limited, restricting access to coaches who can help them develop holistically and build the transferrable skills they need to thrive on their journey through life. 

Attending a sports club might be one of the few places where a young person genuinely feels they can experience success. A space where they can truly be themselves, feel a sense of belonging, achieve personal milestones, and build social bonds.

One of the most effective ways to amplify the sporting experience is through the language you use to engage and interact with young people.

Speak with Intention: Choose Your Words Carefully

The words they use to communicate with young people are well thought out and not idly spoken. They recognise that for vulnerable adolescents, who may have experienced trauma, lack self-confidence and be burdened by emotional insecurities, even a throwaway comment can come across as a critical slight to young minds.

Conversely, positive affirmations can resonate deeply, significantly enhance someone’s confidence and self-esteem, and remain with them, perhaps for a lifetime.

Coaches who choose their words carefully, then, can be a beacon of positivity in the lives of young people. 

“I don’t think all coaches are mindful of the impact their words have on children,” says Don, a former professional rugby player and coach with Saracens RFC.

Repeatedly saying things like, ‘you need to listen more’ or ‘pay attention’ is not only unhelpful but can also be damaging.

A 10-year-old with ADHD who is repeatedly told to pay attention will likely experience frustration and feelings of inadequacy. This child may have already left one club after being labelled as someone who doesn’t listen. A repeat occurrence could put them off sport forever.

“The child may have been listening. But they may not yet understand that listening also involves looking at the speaker or showing some form of acknowledgment,” says Don. “So, something they don’t understand, nor yet control, has been labelled by an adult as a requirement for success. That’s just not true.”

Why it is So Important to Avoid Harmful Labels

Don has seen time and time again, over years of working with developing adolescents, that they often don’t fully understand themselves during this phase of their growth.

Labelling young people has consequences. If they feel they have a badge around their necks, it will not break down barriers, merely place more barriers in their way.

As an aspiring rugby player determined to make it as a professional, he says he was often told he had to be more engaged and enthusiastic. The memory still frustrates him. 

“I’m an 18-year-old on a talent pathway. The coach turns to me and says, ‘look at this kid, you can tell he wants it’, because he turns up to training with a notebook.

“What the coach has overlooked is that I have given up every social engagement for the last three or four years of my life to get here. So, I’m not sure why me not having a notebook is relevant.”

An Eye-Opening Lunchtime Experience

When Don was working as Head of Performance Programmes and Pathways at England Rugby he took a group of players on a three-day coaching visit to a school in a deprived area of Northampton. 

“I was sat having lunch next to one kid and asked how he was. He said he was feeling tired, so I said ‘go and get some food in you. You’ll be alright’. He replied, ‘I only get a pound from my mum each day’.”

This moment, says Don, triggered a seismic shift in his perspective.

If a child is exposed to labelling language – especially from a trusted coach that they have come to regard as a role model – it can put them on a negative spiral from which it can be difficult to recover.

You could say instead, ‘I noticed you struggling a bit to get going when the session started. What’s going on? Is there anything I can do?’

Instead of saying, ‘you’re never going to make it if you keep messing about. You’re wasting everyone’s time.’ Try saying, ‘I admire your energy. You’ve got tonnes of potential, but I need us to work together on how we’re going to get you back on track.’

Instead of shouting at a child who is being disruptive: ‘What’s the matter with you?’; ‘What’s wrong with you?’; ‘You obviously don’t care.’ The conversation might play out like this: 

Coach: “I noticed you were being disruptive earlier. You know, you are an unbelievable leader.”

Child: “What do you mean?”

Coach: “Like it or not, people follow you. If you behave disruptively, it sets a negative example for others. But when you lead positively, you inspire everyone around you.”

These conversations are simple and relatable. If you have other coaches in your club, Don recommends practising by throwing scenarios at each other.

When Silence Isn’t Golden: Challenging Bad Practices

Don says he is an active challenger from the sidelines and has pulled a few coaches up this year during tournaments. 

At one under-10s rugby match, he watched in dismay as three coaches stood hollering at the children on one side of the field: ‘Legs. Press. Tackle’. 

“These are nine and ten-year-olds. The fact they are even loosely following the ball is a success,” jokes Don. 

He approached the coaches and said, “Excuse me, can you explain your expectations here? What impact do you think your shouting these words has?” A discussion ensued, after which one of the coaches apologised.

With Questioning, Sometimes Less is More

Don recalls something Dean Clark, Senior Lecturer and Programme Leader at Hartpury University, told him while he was studying for his master’s degree in coaching:

A blunt stone can do one of two things: it can sharpen a knife, or it can blunt a knife. 

This analogy neatly illustrates the art of questioning in coaching. Sometimes, less is more. Asking too many questions without offering an opinion can be counterproductive, blunting the effectiveness of communication.

“Starting from a place of questioning is valuable because it avoids imposing opinions and reduces the risk of offending someone,” says Don. “However, it's equally important to have the tool in your arsenal to ask, ‘Do you want an opinion?’

If you know someone is tired, sad, or fatigued, and you need to provide more direct guidance to sharpen their focus, saying: ‘Can I give you my opinion?’ can be a powerful engagement tool to leverage quick change.

Challenge yourself by thinking: ‘My communication will be more effective if I talk less and give zero team communications. Instead, I'll focus on providing each person with two or three specific pieces of feedback.’

Effective Communication: The Art of Noticing and Naming

Don emphasises two essential communication skills for coaches: name and notice. 

“By mastering these, you will make your coaching world incredibly valuable,” he says.

For novice coaches, it’s crucial to spend more time noticing. It’s perfectly fine, says Don, to stand there and not talk. Observing children as they play will help you learn to notice important details and behaviours.

The "Notice" Part: Spend time observing and understanding the dynamics of the group. Notice the interactions, the efforts, and the improvements. This silent observation will provide you with valuable insights into each participant’s progress and needs.

The "Name" Part: Use specific and positive reinforcement to acknowledge individual and group efforts. This can be done in two ways:

1.    Individually:

• “Billy, I was really impressed when you passed the ball to Sarah and called out, ‘Let’s switch sides to create an overlap.’ That was a fantastic decision because you recognised the opportunity and communicated it clearly to your teammate."

2.    Collectively:

• “Everybody in. I’ve just watched you execute a perfect passing sequence. This was the impact: your quick thinking and teamwork created an overlap, allowing us to break through the defence and score a goal. Fantastic job! Now, tell me why you chose to do that?”

It is important, says Don, to avoid generic celebrations, as they don’t add value. Instead, focus on specific actions and their positive impacts. This approach encourages a deeper understanding and engagement from the participants, fostering a more supportive and effective coaching environment. By doing so, you ensure that your communication is both meaningful and impactful.

Finally, be mindful of your body language. Avoid being the coach who has their head in their hands at the final whistle or crosses their arms and avoids eye contact to register your disapproval.

“Instead, as a parent, I often stand quietly when they walk off the pitch, offer a hug, and simply listen to what they have to say.”

The True Measure of Sporting Success

In summary, the way you interact with people is critical to ensuring everyone remains engaged and motivated throughout their personal journey, with communication at the heart of this interaction.

A final pearl of wisdom from Don encapsulates this: 

“Understanding each person’s Everest is essential,” he says, emphasising the coach’s role in uncovering the unique goals, dreams, and challenges each individual encounters.

If this is the foundation stone for coaches to build on, then Don is equally clear about his definition of success:

“Success isn’t just about winning; it’s about fostering lifelong active participation. If you were to stack it on anything, I’d say sport and physical activity must be an overwhelmingly “value-added” experience.”